Do You Really Want to “Kill Yourself?”

So I’m about to dive deeper than ever before…I usually only feel comfortable delving into sensitive and intense conversation in the confines of three fiddy or amongst the best of friends, so this may be a bit of an awkward read; but, unlike the rest of my awkward antics, it’s worth it to stay for the show.

I want to start out by saying that I am truly comfortable with just about anything, and, unless you’re insulting my dance moves, I am not easily offended by vulgar comments that would make the majority of the public shudder.  I love expression in terms of metaphors and analogies–I often “beat a dead horse” in using them, as they are usually the only way I can get out in English what I am trying to say.

However, as of late, I have become extremely offended by the majority of the public and it’s lazy expression.  Scrolling through my twitter, I never realized how often people say things like:

“Just woke up 2 hours late for work Image

The face and gun pair is pretty self-explanatory–you’re having a really shitty day.

More frequently in everyday life, we make the middle-pointer finger trigger and pull it up to our temples, evoking the same emotion.  I am the first to admit that I have done this in the past.  “Let me go kill myself now” could be indicative of how you feel after a professor hands you back a test with a big 63% on the front; a temporary, fleeting emotion of helplessness that will soon subside after you sit down and have a bowl of mac and cheese and a beer.

I’m all about the drama–it’s fun to exaggerate to express the silly or idiotic things we do throughout the day, so I get why this phrase-usage was created in the first place.  Unfortunately, for some people, this feeling isn’t a fleeting emotion.  It’s real, it’s ever-present, it’s excruciating.

It wasn’t until the loss of a family member to suicide that I began to feel that these little “comical” phrases were distasteful.  His death was certainly the most traumatic thing I will ever experience.  I can’t help but feel for my family and friends that are haunted by similar experiences–I small part of me wanted to write this for myself, but, mostly, this is for them, and anyone else who has ever struggled with depression.  For anyone hoping for a little change, I’m looking for others to end the casual use of the “I’m gonna kill myself” phrase along with me.

I can feel myself sounding like just another advocate for those less fortunate.  These movements are everywhere, and I’ve been annoyed by them before.  People come from so many different backgrounds, and you never know what’s going to offend people anymore–everyone is so touchy, and nowadays it feels like we have to tiptoe around everyone’s (sometimes minuscule) problems. I’ve always been hypersensitive to the misuse of words like “retard” because of my mother’s special education background, and feel it is a common duty to correct those who think it’s acceptable to use this word in his/her everyday vocabulary.  Organizations and good people worldwide have taken a stand to end the use of this word casually–and I believe a similar ban on empty suicidal phrases should follow suit.  It just makes sense; making light of such a serious subject does not.

It’s just so easy to find other phrases to express our sorrow in the moment–I prefer to say things like “shitballs” when I burn my toast or stub my toe.  I’m not asking you to change your lifestyle or start a petition with me–I’m asking you to try to do better, and think before you speak.  We’re all human, but let’s work on being better humans.

Life is so bountiful and worth living….and I promise, those late night drunk texts that made you say such a self-loathing phrase will be funny tomorrow.   Pick your head up and get living!

Love,

Ally

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